Tears, Tears and more Tears..

This week has been one of the hardest weeks I've had to go through. Steven left for basic training on Monday morning. Luckily I got to talk to him all day through texts while he was traveling. I receive a phone call later that night from him that lasted maybe 30 seconds. He said "Hey babe" Me: "Hey"(excited to finally talk to him) Steven: "Hey I cant really talk but I'm here, I'm safe and I'll talk to you when I can, I love you" Me: ok, love you (with a shaky starting to cry voice....as he hangs up the phone.) It was soo hard! I have cried almost everyday except maybe one day. It's mainly the nights that are the rough. Ive gone from two years of seeing him everyday and talking to him throughout the day via text, to not seeing him or talking to him at all. No one wakes up with me in the morning and makes me breakfast and lunch while I get ready anymore. Its super weird being alone in our apt. Everyday I'm home alone I keep thinking hes at school and will be home any minute, and then I remember. Its tough. I didn't know what to expect, so this is all just really weird to me. I have my phone on me all the time. I check it more than I should hoping and waiting to hear from Steven. I look at my phone all night long waiting to see Stevens face pop up that he's calling. I'm pathetic. haha

Everyday up until the day he left seemed to fly by. I would wake up every morning and hug and kiss him and think, how is it possible to love someone this much? As the days grew closer and closer to his departure our love grew stronger and stronger for each other. I could feel it. It's amazing, I still ask myself this question everyday. It just amazes me. As I go about my daily routine, I realize how much it sucks not to have him here. Not for the affection every girl needs all the time, but because he was my wife! My house is such a mess!! I started going to day and night school, meaning I'm at school from 9 in the morning until 10 at night. Yes it's brutal, but it keeps me busy and my mind off things. So I'm at school about 50 hours a week. leaving hardly any downtime for myself. meaning theres tons of dishes and laundry to be folded and washed! I need my Steven back :(

As hard as this week has been so far. I already feel stronger. Steven gave me a blessing the night before he left and it was incredible. Since then I haven't missed a prayer morning and night. It truly has helped. A few days after he left I woke up and instead of instantly being sad and depressed, I was fine. Its hard to explain, but I felt loved. I felt warm and good; that everything was ok. I know a lot of friends and family have me in their prayers and I think thats what I'm feeling. I cried that morning not because i was sad but because I'm so fortunate to have such amazing friends and family who care about me so much. I don't know what I would do without my Paul Mitchell Family. Everyone mentioned they cared, or were thinking about me, some even let me cry on their shoulder after trying to hold it in all day. A girls gotta cry! Ive learned that. You can't just hold it in because then it builds up into a huge hysterical cry and its a disaster especially when you need to be sleeping because you have to get up for school. As I go about my day on the verge of a breakdown I think....I could have it worse. At least Steven isn't deathly ill/dead or left me heartbroken. My heart does hurt, but not the same hurt you feel after a breakup. The hurt of not knowing how your loved one is doing. Is he ok? Is he having a hard time? Is he hurt? The hurt of not being with him and talking to him everyday. But I know this is all going to make us both stronger. When steven gets back its going to be like our honeymoon all over again. all giddy and what not.(which is kind of what we normally are like all the time) Gosh I can't wait for that day to come! Only 117 more days!